Buddha Groove’s Guru Series brings insight from experts across the fields of mindfulness, natural wellness, yoga, and meditation. Below we have wisdom from motivational speaker and success coach., Lisa Cybaniak.
Have you ever had a little voice in your head tell you, ‘You can’t do that!’, or ‘You’re not smart, brave, lucky, or good enough to pull that off’? How about flat out telling yourself you’re not worthy and don’t deserve it?
I’m willing to bet you have. Why? Because I’ve yet to speak to a single person who doesn’t know what I’m talking about. In fact, according to Psychology Today, up to 70% of our mental chatter is negative!
We all seem to do this to ourselves, no matter who we are. The difference between us isn’t in our past experiences that caused us to believe these words. Rather, it’s how we choose to respond to them.
There are two responses up for grabs here: Believe it and stand in your own way of happiness and success; Understand where those words are coming from and slap them right in the face!
Shaping our beliefs
We learn many things throughout our lifetime. Would it surprise you to learn that the bulk of your beliefs about yourself, expectations upon you in life, and your career are all formed by the time you are twelve?
Of course, things can happen along the way to add to, or even change those beliefs, but our core beliefs are ingrained in us before we’ve even become young adults.
How do they get there?
Our beliefs begin to form through the words and actions of others. When we overhear conversations between adults about politics, for example, we begin to form a viewpoint about certain politicians, and politics in general. It doesn’t mean it’s our truth, but rather we’ve formed opinions based on the words of others.
The exact same is true with that negative mantra we play in our heads about not being worthy or good enough.
We began to believe in these words because of the actions and words of others. It may not have been anything sinister, just like my politics example.
Perhaps we would witness someone close to us use this language with themselves. Maybe someone in our childhood was emotionally unavailable, dealing with their own issues, leaving us feeling like we were not important.
Or perhaps it was more sinister, as in the case of abusive situations.
Belief causes reality
Regardless of how the belief formed, it’s a problem.
If you really believe those words, then you are going to choose to ‘see’ the evidence for them all around you, reinforcing your belief. This is because we tend to see whatever it is that we believe. So, if we believe something negative, then we will choose to see the negative.
For example, if you really believe that you don’t deserve something, then no matter what is happening around you, good or bad, your brain will spin it to show you that you were right.
If things are turning out perfectly, then you will expect something to go wrong, because that is what you deserve. You’ll limit your ability to enjoy the fruits of your labour, as it were, because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve it.
If things are not going well, then you will believe that is because you don’t deserve any better. Either way you slice it, you are being ruled by your belief that you don’t deserve it.
Every decision you make will be made with your belief about yourself and your ability in your subconscious mind, meaning you are more likely to hold yourself back to save yourself from embarrassment or disappointment.
Change is possible!
That also means that if you are able to investigate what your deepest beliefs are and why they are there, you can begin to make meaningful change!
Once you start truly seeing your reflection in the mirror, you will begin to ask yourself the really tough questions, like, ‘Is this really my truth?’ This opens the door for you to seek out the real evidence to either prove or disprove your beliefs, one by one.
I’m willing to bet that you won’t be able to find any evidence that you are not smart, brave, lucky, or good enough. You certainly won’t be able to find evidence that you are not worth it or don’t deserve it.
This will change everything!
The power of your mindset
You will begin to see how your beliefs were limiting your growth, and everything else in your life. More importantly, you’ll be able to re-write the script by finding your truth.
When you begin to finally see your worth and value, you begin to love and respect yourself. That old negative mantra has no place in your mind now. And when it does rear its ugly head, you will easily choose not to listen to it, and instead replace it with your new, empowering mantra.
If seeing is believing, then the more you show yourself just how worthy you are, the more you’ll believe you deserve it, which means you’ll be more likely to take chances and make moves both professionally and personally that you would not have previously considered.
In essence, the worthier you believe you are, the more self-worth you will gain, fuelling this beautiful self-loving cycle.